How to Overcome Your Fear of Intimacy
Sexual intimacy (or lack of it) is not a topic many people get excited about discussing in the open. While you may see many people seeking therapy for their addiction to sex, a few others at the opposite end are turned off by experiencing sexual love with their partner. Individuals who experience this are said to have fear of intimacy.
Often treated as a taboo and stigma, the fear of intimacy occurs more often than we'd like to admit or accept. And it is more gut-wrenching on those it affects because they do not lead sexually fulfilling lives.
The fear of intimacy, popularly referred to as intimacy avoidance, occurs in both males and females, affecting their relationships in the long run. While its exact cause remains unknown, it has several triggers. A widespread cause of this condition is anxiety.
If you find yourself withdrawing when your partner tries to hold, kiss, or make love to you, you need to get into this post. But, first, we'll help walk you through the causes of sexual avoidance and how to deal.
What is intimacy avoidance?
Difficulty in engaging in loving sexual relations with your partner is dubbed
Although, individuals who avoid sex do as a defense mechanism. It is not uncommon to encounter physical and psychological distress when trying to have sexual intercourse.
Common signs of physical distress associated with sexual avoidance are panic attacks, sweating, increased heart rate, nausea, and muscle aches. Psychological reactions to fear of intimacy include; guilt, shame, and low-self esteem.
How do I know if I'm scared of intimacy?
To know if you are shying away from intimacy, observe the following patterns;
● Short-lived relationships
● Communication problems
● You withdraw when people try to get close to you.
● You recoil from physical and sexual contact
● Low self-esteem
● Lack of trust
● Fear of commitment
● Fear of abandonment and rejection
Causes of intimacy issues
● Abuse; physical, sexual, emotional, and drug abuse.
● Neglect; physical or emotional
● Death of a parent
● Low self-confidence
● Abandonment
● Rape
● History of anxiety and depression.
How can I deal with this?
● Be raw with your emotions:
An excellent start to nipping the problem of sexual avoidance in the bud is to identify how you feel. It's okay not to feel okay. On days when you don't feel to good, open up to someone trustworthy and discuss your worries. Do not bottle anything in. With acceptance comes healing.
● Stay emotionally present:
When dealing with sexual avoidance, it is tempting to be "body present, mind absent."
Being absent emotionally is what drives a wedge between you and your partner. The more you distance yourself from your lover, the more anxiety creeps in. It'll help if you focus on your emotions and express how you feel at all times.
● Put your relationship first – It is easy to throw yourself into work and invest your time and energy into your career when you detest intimacy. However, being in a healthy relationship is a vital part of life, and it will be helpful if you can map out time for your love interest, no matter how busy you get.
● Trace the roots
If you reminisce in retrospect, you may have an idea of the origin of your challenge. Did you have a good/bad relationship with your parents? How did your family handle issues? Acknowledging that the there were lapses in your childhood relationships and addressing them is a way to start your journey to a healthier relationship.
● Avoid stress
Stress and pressure can worsen sexual tension. Engage in activities that can make you relax and unwind. You can start by doing simple exercises then engage in yoga and meditation. To enhance your relationship, you can do your routines with your partner.
● Eat healthily
Although it plays a small role in combating intimacy avoidance, eating an adequate diet cannot be overlooked. Consume wholesome, fresh foods that will boost your mood instead of relying on empty carbs and sugar that can sap your energy.
● See a therapist
If you've tried everything else to salvage your situation without success, then it's time to seek out professional help.
The fear of sexual intimacy affects a crowd of people. If you find yourself experiencing any of its related signs, we suggest you start seeking help right away to help you live a well-round life instead of suffering in silence.
By. Caroline Okoh Nkoye
